My Epic End-of-School Picnic Fail

I’m not proud of this parenting moment which occurred just last night.  But I will say some of the sting was removed by a friend recently sharing a hilarious Jen Hatmaker article with me, Worst End of School Mom Ever.  Hoooo-boy, can I relate.

To quote Jen, we are “limping, limping across the finish line” to the last day of school.

So late yesterday afternoon at work, when my eyes are completely miserable from allergies, and I can’t wait to get out of my dress, and crash… I get a text from my husband: “It’s school picnic tonight”.

Oh, goodie.

*sigh*  Another precious weeknight down the tubes.

I decide it’s not THAT bad. It means we won’t have to cook dinner, because they grill hot dogs and hamburgers compliments of the PTO.  I pull up to my house from work, and my family is all ready to go.  I get 30 whopping seconds to bring my work bag inside, and we all head out to the school.

On the way, my son excitedly tells us there will be a bump-n-jump!  This jogs my memory that it’s not just supper… it’s also a school carnival.  I start to wish we had driven separately, so I can bail early.  Because that’s the kind of supportive spouse that I am.

As we pull up to the school, we see a packed parking lot, but no signs of an outdoor carnival.  Or bump and jump.  High winds have saved the day!

Silently, “YAAAASSS!!!”

Out loud, “Oh, honey. It looks like they don’t have the bump and jump because it’s too windy.”

We head into the lunchroom, and all four of us get into the food line.  As I glance over to my right, I notice a table full of homemade pasta salads, bowls of melon balls, and deviled eggs.  And it hits me.

This is a POTLUCK.

(That’s my South Dakota talking. Also known as “covered dish”.)

Our entire mooching family of four has just shown up at a school potluck completely empty handed.

And just to clarify how inexcusable this particular offense is, we are not newbies here.  This is our seventh… SEVENTH… annual school picnic.  At this exact same elementary school.  Every single year.

Wow.  Just wow.

And here I make fun of the family of 6 that shows up at a potluck carrying a bowl of green jello with shredded carrots in it.  At least they contribute.  Good grief.

I think about Jen Hatmaker.  “I’m good at other things”, I reassure myself.

We sit down with our burgers and chips.  I take the moral high ground, and skip the salad table.  I do not, however, skip the dessert table.  Because I’m not that strong.

I overhear a dad with his 8 year old daughter, walking along the dessert table making their selection.  He cautions her, “This is not a buffet.”

Yes it is.  That’s exactly what it is!  Silly man.

But wait, we’re not done here folks. The bad momming just keep coming. And this one’s something I didn’t even confess to my husband.  When I went out to use the restroom, I saw that they DID have the bump and jump set up.  And entire school carnival.  It was being held in the gymnasium.

Do I tell my family?

I go back to take a second peek. It’s just a slide bump and jump.  Those aren’t really even as fun.  Are they?

I just couldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t extend the evening another hour, standing around the elementary gym.  Just. Could. Not.

Maybe next year we’ll nail that school picnic.

*o*     *o*     *o*

How’s your school year going… are you over it??